Hi! It’s been a real shit week, but as per usual The Great British Baking Show is as pleasant as ever. To help you forget your troubles and cares, I’ll be hiding the news inside a recap of the most pleasant show ever.
This week is Dessert Week, which is a bit of a cop out of a theme, don’t you think? There’s a dessert made pretty much every week I dunno if you noticed guyyyyys. But anyway.
I’m a bit late on this recap so let’s get on with it!
Before we head into the challenge, we hear from some of the remaining bakers. Andrew still wants to win, and feels good about this week. He tells us he’s a dessert man “through and through” so good thing this is DESSERT WEEK. During his interview, Tom tells us he is ignoring that he’s won star baker in the past. Welp, ignoring important things have worked so far for Tom!
The signature challenge is a family sized roulade. Which turns out is just a big ol’ Hostess swiss roll — but fancier, and probably tastier. Paul, as per usual, is concerned wether he’ll fit the desserts in his mouth or not. Sure. Ok Paul.
The fave cake base here seems to be a fatless sponge, except Selasi of course, because he’s a cool dude.(TM)
Not cool? Poland’s decision to give control of the nation’s Supreme Court to the president. He’s in complete control now, so there, DEMOCRACY.
With six bakers remaining, the contestants possibly feel the need to be competitive, because I’m seeing some “creative” rolls. Tom is making a roulade based on millionaire’s shortbread with caramel filling and covered with chocolate. It sounds weird, or as Paul puts it, “interesting.” Sue gets sassy and asks if he means that in a good way or a “Muahahah” way which I assume is code for “disaster.” TOM! Candice is filling her roll with a shitload of flavors: passionfruit, raspberry, white chocolate and cheesecake. It’s titled “crowd pleasing” but I seriously doubt the integrity of this crowd.
Meanwhile, in a voice over, Sue talks about how shitty sponge cake is.
As Tom makes a second sponge (hmm), Selasi and Benjamin trade tastes of their filling. These guys are totally hooking up!! As the contestants put the finishing touches on their roulade, Jane rolls her sponge “the wrong way” but who is to say what is the wrong way!?
Well it turns out THERE IS a wrong way, and Jane doesn’t get a good swirl on because of it. She isn’t the only one with troubles. Solace’s cream is shootin’ out the end and Tom’s, as expected, is weird. Mary says it is “cloying” and tbh it literally looks like a piece of shit, covered fully in runny chocolate.
With no out-and-out star of the signature, we move on to the technical bake, which is Mary’s famous nut-covered French meringue and ganache layered-cake! JK. But it is. It’s a marjolaine, which doesn’t even have a Wikipedia entry for fucks sake so bear with me. Sue helps us all by explaining that it’s a French rectangular gateau. THANKS SUE.
Sue won’t be in the new seasons of GBBO, so I found her a new translating job! Akie Abe maybe pretended to not speak English to avoid talking to Trump. She wins Star Baker this week.
There’s a lot going on here, and everyone is a bit baffled. This cake is fucking COMPLICATED GUYS. There are a few nut jokes here and there, but shit is too tense for fun and games. When Despite that, most of them actually look pretty good. You are all my star bakers!
Once the bakes get to the judges however, Selasi has a case of the dreaded soggy bottom. He is last. And despite cracking his meringue in half, Andrew is first.
On to our showstopper: 24 mini-mousse cakes, split into two flavors. Going into the quarter finals, everyone is keen to show off. Jane has gone mousse-mad, making FIVE for her bakes, and Candice makes a mousse cake so elaborate I can’t even remember what it is exactly (edit: A prosecco and raspberry jelly, lemon-thyme sponge, a blackberry and raspberry mousse and a raspberry liqueur jelly.) WOT? She also has a chocolate-mint cake that is a cake hidden INSIDE a mousse. Girl, c’mon, stop being smug.
No missing ingredients there. But hospitals are running out of a vital drug, Sodium Bicarbonate. Sorry sickos! But that gives me an idea for next week’s theme…
The tent is HOT, and I don’t mean that in a competitive way. It’s very humid, and the bakers are worried it will hinder the outcome of their mousse.
Tom’s calling his sandwich-looking bakes “Hipster Picnic” and I am LMFAO. “Ludicrously complicating the classics, that’s the hipster way” he says, and HE ISN’T WRONG. He tells the judges he is piping the mousse and Paul is PISSED. Andrew is making ice-cream inspired bakes, and to highlight his seaside theme, he’s placing them on a tiny ferris-wheel! How cute.
An aside: none of these sound particularly good, but you know what? I had a huge breakfast so my bad.
Some mousses look clumpy, others gloopy. I’m a bit nervous for them. Benjamina’s cakes are bulge out like they have botulism and Selasi’s big ol’ mini-cakes wont set at all. I’m freaking out for him.
Jane’s 5-mousse medley pays off, but the judge’s think that maybe Candice has done too much on hers. She makes this sucked in pissy-face she often does. Despite the mess, Paul LURVES Benjamina’s bakes. They also love Andrew’s amusement park mousse cakes.
Tom has always been an original, but his Hipster Picnic, while a great idea, disappoints the judges. “Maybe if this had been a different challenge” Paul repeats, but it wasn’t. They send him home.
Don’t go on any hipster picnics in Brooklyn, Tom. A potentially rabid squirrel has been attacking people in Prospect Park all week. NUTS!
Impressing everyone non-stop this week, Andrew accepts star baker. I didn’t even realize this was his first win. He really did prove himself a dessert man through and through.
Will you miss Tom’s crazy bakes? I sure will. But hooray for Andy!
Leave your fave Tom moment in the comments, and give me a ❤ while you’re at it!
>> Follow me on Twitter for some non-baking commentary.
>> Or Instagram, I guess?
>> Check out my postcard blog, Glad You’re Not Here!
>> Find out where I am and send me money! J/K weirdos.
Morgan S unfortunately reads the news but also loves a good bake. She has always lived in Brooklyn and definitely has a complex about it. She likes the idea of cats, but doesn’t have any.
